Speech by Dr. Nilda Arduin (St. Maarten)
At the 2006 Conference “About Women and Image”
March 3 and 4 in Curaçao
A call for a boycott of married and engaged men in reflection on International Day of Women.
Thankful to the organizers of the third annual Conference on Women and for inviting me as a speaker to this year's event entitled; "Women and Image" I offered the meeting's four suggestions for action and thought in finding a more equitable balance between the two sexes occupying planet earth: a shift of our emphasis as women from gender identity/role to the norms and values we embrace to support our gender identity; communicate the struggle for respect, equal rights and opportunities for women with purpose and clarity to the next generations; walk the talk of being in solidarity with other women; and designing a plan of action to boycott massively the harboring of married and engaged men to bring about order in our communities. The thought that drew most attention for reflection was the call for a boycott of married and engaged men.
Taking a closer look at some specific issues in the laws of the Netherlands Antilles in relation to women, I pointed out that the Netherlands Antilles contrary to most of our neighbors in the Caribbean, have codified laws, written laws, which are general in nature; they are applicable to all citizens notwithstanding ones gender. As such there is in my opinion in our society less need to draft specific laws around women issues, but more a need to organize procedures and institutions, as well as train and sensitize officials, to better meet the needs of women when executing their rights.
As Caribbean women we have made great strides outside the home. Many girls and young women do not understand however where we are coming from, when we continue to fight to hold on to what has been achieved over the years.Yes, it is a new era, a new day, but we have to make sure that we do not go back to what was in the past. We need to build on the bricks that have been laid before times.
Where Corretta Scot King thought us that there is nothing wrong with building her husband's legacy, while building her own, our youngsters have to know that women had to fight for the status they enjoy today. On this note I must specially congratulate the organizers of the Conference, in particular Mrs. Reyna Joe, for insuring the attendance of many young academic and executive women through sponsorship for the youth.
The status that women enjoy today should not be taken for granted. Just like racism, imperialism, colonialism and modern slavery are creeping back, or at least trying to creep back into our lives in different forms, shapes and terminologies, attempts to strip women of their dignity, integrity and acquired rights are also taking place subtlety. And sometimes even blatantly, when we consider some lyrics of modern day music, to the tune of which our young women and girls are too often rocking and wining without indignity, as well as young women in skimpy bikinis and an inviting pose used in magazines and on billboards to advertise from a hamburger to a lawn cutter, accepted by our youth as being the norm.
We need to take stock and evaluate where we might have failed as women to communicate to the new generations the norms and values that we fought to embrace as elements of our gender identity/role, before we lose an entire generation of women, who are holding executive jobs, but yet being degraded because of lack of self-esteem and identity. I am of the opinion that just like each new generation has to be christened; we need to teach our children, not just our girls, where we came from, while not losing focus of the road ahead still to be traveled.
Women and Image starts with us! How do we as women feel about ourselves? Being me, a human being, with choices and challenges is a basic right, my human right, and has nothing to do with being a woman, as long as I exercise my rights within the boundaries of the rules and regulations that the society (I exist in) has instituted.
The main question is; whether the boundaries are equally set for both men and women. My rights end, where your rights begin. However my problems as a woman begin, there's where my boundaries as a woman are narrower than the boundaries set out for men.The law is part of culture; it regulates and governs behavior prevalent in a society. As such the images a society holds of the female members of its population will greatly determine the way women are treated in the law. The images we create as being acceptable or not in our societies can have far reaching consequences.
Because we women have fought for an equal status of our children, whether born in or out of wedlock, the legal status of the children of a man has been amended in the law. Since January 1st, 2000, a man in the Netherlands Antilles can acknowledge his child born outside the marriage, formerly called an illegitimate child, without his wife's knowledge or consent (Note that at this point I am not discussing the legal ramifications of this with regards to the marital community of goods, inheritance etc.!).
A question for reflection and evaluation on the eve of International Women Day is: Who created the image that it is all right to make children outside the marriage; a situation for which the law consequently provided for?
No matter what our interpretation of gender identity is, a child born outside the marriage is born out of a woman and never out of a man. How fair do we treat each other as women? What is our Code of solidarity? What image do we create for ourselves towards society and the same men, who we label as being the perpetrators? If it is not rape, the relation is consensual, in which we as women in reality have the last word. Which are the images we create as being the norm and acceptable in the minds of our children, both boys and girls? Remember: the behavior that is regarded in a cultural context as appropriate for males or females is learned! I therefore strongly believe that it is time for action to bring about change and safeguard order in our society.
If blacks could boycott National Public transportation in the USA in the sixties to force through social and economic changes, we as women can certainly massively boycott harboring married and engaged men by ceasing to be their mistresses, or convenience stands, and at the same time spare a sister and our children pain and humiliation, and the unfair consequences that often accompany these treacherous acts.
I concluded many years ago that in addition to some preconceived attitudes of men towards women, the way we as women conceive our gender identity/role and often deal with each other as women, not only affects and influences the images the society upholds about women, but greatly determines the way a woman feels and or presents herself. It is a vicious circle that can only be broken by us. Some women are reluctant to tell, to share their shame with another woman, because of the tell-tales and gossip that may follow, so we continue to suffer silently by ourselves, not realizing how many of us are suffering, as a wife, a mistress or a daughter conceived as an outside child.
On the eve of yet another commemoration of International Women Day, I conclude that how the image of women will evolve in the years ahead greatly depends on our willingness and preparedness as women, to break through the vicious circle, stand together, develop a Code of solidarity, and take charge of, as well as exercise our fundamental human rights as a person. It is both a collective and individual thing.
I call on women today to stop being mistresses and convenience stands, while expressing Peace and Justice to and for all!
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